The REAL Princess Garnet
by Arcadia Silver
Summary: Have I lost my mind....YES!!! It's been done over and over again, but I can't help myself...(ask the voices in my head...they'll tell) Co-Written with my good buddy, Psycho. P.S: I don't own anything.


The Real Princess Garnet.  
  
  
(In Alexandria, and the newest kareoke bar. The entire gang is gathered for a night of wholesome fun...............Huh-uh.)  
  
Zidane: Okay, whose singing first?  
  
Doctor Tot: I'll gladly go first....  
  
Everyone: NO!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF ALEXANDER.................NO!!!!!!  
  
Doctor Tot:.....meanies.....  
  
Zidane: Okay, Dagger you have a nice voice...you go.  
  
Garnet: (looks though song book) ...okay, I'll do this one.  
  
(Goes up to the stage...the music starts)  
  
Garnet: May I have your attention please??...Will the real princess Garnet please stand up?? ..I repeat..will the real princess Garnet please stand up??  
  
Zidane: We're gonna have a problem here........  
  
Garnet: You all act like you never seen a summoner before.  
Swords drop on the floor..  
Ark and me burst in the door  
And start kicking Necron's ass worse than before..  
I have no remorse..  
Crush Brahne with the furniture  
It's the return of the.....  
  
Zidane: Oh wait, no way, your kidding, she didn't just say what I think she said did she??  
  
Garnet: And Garland said: Nothing you idiots, Garland is dead, he's locked up in my basement.  
  
Vivi: (laughing like a chipmuck)...HAHA!!!  
  
Garnet: All of the nobles love Garnet, "Chica, chica, chica,chica Dagger I'm sick of her look at her,walking around, summoning you know what, blasting you know who..."  
  
Zidane: Ya, but she's so cute though....  
  
Steiner: (death glares at Zidane, borrowed from Heero Yuy, his poker buddy on Friday nights)  
  
Garnet: Ya I probably got a couple gotta couple of screws loose, but no worse than whats going on in Freya's and Fratley's bedroom..  
  
Freya:....damn busted.  
  
Garnet: Sometime I just wanna get on the throne and let just loose, but CAN'T, but it's cool for Lani to hump those moogles....  
  
Amarant: ...I KNEW IT!!!!!!  
  
Garnet: These clothes are tight on my hips, tight on my hips, and if I'm lucky, Zidane might give me a little kiss...  
  
Steiner and Zidane: (eyes bugged out)  
  
Zidane: .....Yes, thank you God.......  
  
Garnet: And thats the message we give to white mages, and expecting them not to know what a summoner's horn is.  
  
Eiko: ..WHAT?!?!?!  
  
Garnet: Of course they're gonna know what a summoner's horn is, by the time they hit fourth grade, they have Dr. Tot, the human encyclopedia, don't they???  
We ain't nothing but mamals, well, some of us Genomes, who rip open monsters like canalopes....  
But if we can kill the animals and antelopes, there is no reason why Zorn and Thorn can't elope..  
  
Everyone: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Garent: But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote, Quina wear your pantyhose...sing the chorus and it goes...  
  
I'm Princess Garnet, yes I'm the real Garnet,  
Don't f*** with me or I'll summon Bahamut.  
So won't will the real Princess Garnet please stand up?  
Please stand up, Please stand up??  
  
CUZ,I'm Princess Garnet, yes I'm the real Garnet,  
Don't f*** with me or I'll summon Bahamut.  
So won't will the real Princess Garnet please stand up?  
Please stand up, Please stand up??  
  
Garnet: Cuz, some people gotta cuss in their orders to get them through.  
Well me too, so f*** them and f*** you too..  
You think I give a damn about a crown?  
Half the kingdom can't stomach me, let alone stand me.  
  
Knight of Pluto: But Garnet, wouldn't it be weird? What if you wed??  
  
Garnet: Why?? So you guys could just get me here?  
So you could sit me here, next to these freaks with spears?  
Beatrix better switch me chairs, so I don't have to hear Freya and Fratley making out upstairs.  
Little faggots drop me on the throne.  
  
Lady Hilda: Yeah, she's cute, but I think she's engaged to Kuja..heehee.  
  
Kuja: (In the background)..YES!!..(points to Zidane)..haha!!  
  
Zidane: (Dropkicks Kuja back to Branbal)  
  
Garnet: I need to downlaod audio with the Tantalus band  
and show the whole world how yall gave Princess G VD  
I'm sick of suitors and bodygaurds all you do is annoy me,  
So I've been sent here to DESTROY YOU!!!!  
  
Ark: **looks around eargerly**  
  
Garnet: Cuase there's a million girls just like me, who start a rukus like me,  
just don't give Steiner and Beatrix breaks like me ,who f*** like me, who walk, act, and talk like me.  
Just might be the next best thing, but not quite me!!  
  
Garnet: CUZ, I'm Princess Garnet, yes I'm the real Garnet,  
Don't f*** with me or I'll summon Bahamut.  
So won't will the real Princess Garnet please stand up?  
Please stand up, Please stand up??  
  
I'm Princess Garnet, yes I'm the real Garnet,  
Don't f*** with me or I'll summon Bahamut.  
So won't will the real Princess Garnet please stand up?  
Please stand up, Please stand up??  
  
I hated it when my mom went on a power trip, and I had to listen to her.  
Cuase I'm giving Zidane things he jokes about with Blank inside his living room.  
The only difference is I got a bra and I'll say it in front of yall.  
And I ain't gotta be false and sugar coat it all.  
  
Zidane: **props feet on the table, grins and nods**  
  
Blank: You said she had her skirt on!!!  
  
Garnet: I just get on the mic, and spit it, and weither you want to admit it.  
I get more tax then 90% of you rulers out there,  
Then you wonder how the peasants can have so many kids, and make it.  
Cuase, it's funny, cause at the rate I'm going, at 30,   
I'll still be running around in tight clothes, flirting.  
And pinchin' teenagers asses when in cruisin,  
And I'm on PMS but this box of Midol ain't working!!!!!  
  
Everyone: **starts backing for the door**  
  
Garnet: Every single person is a Princess Garnet lurking,  
Could be working in the royal kitchen,   
Spittin in my food cuz I'm bitchin.  
In the town square running around on her chocobo,   
screaming I don't give a f***   
With her head down, and her finger up.  
  
Vivi: THAT'S NO PERSON! THAT'S GRANDPA!!!!!!!!!!!!!**runs out**  
  
Whole Planet: **sweatdrop**  
  
Garnet: So would the real Garnet please stand up.   
A Tiger Racket in each hand up.  
And be proud to be out of your minds.  
And out of control.  
And as loud as you can, how does it go???  
  
Beatrix, Zidane, and Steiner:   
She's Princess Garnet, yes the real Garnet,  
Don't f*** with her or she'll summon Bahamut.  
So won't will the real Princess Garnet please stand up?  
Please stand up, Please stand up??  
  
She's Princess Garnet, yes the real Garnet,  
Don't f*** with her or she'll summon Bahamut.  
So won't will the real Princess Garnet please stand up?  
Please stand up, Please stand up??  
  
All:  
She's Princess Garnet, yes the real Garnet,  
Don't f*** with her or she'll summon Bahamut.  
So won't will the real Princess Garnet please stand up?  
Please stand up, Please stand up??  
  
  
  
**Music fades, Garnet exits the stage**  
  
Vivi: **who came in** WHAT THE F***?!?!?!  
  
Eiko: **eyes big** VIVI?? I LOVE MEN WHO CUSS!!  
**glomps him** I WANT YOU!!  
  
Vivi: Now why haven't I done this sooner?  
  
Steiner: **pulls Excalibur 2 from it's sheath** YOU!!! YOU DID THIS TO HER!! DIE!!!  
  
Zidane: **jumps to the rafts and hangs by his tail** Come get me fat boy!!  
  
Beatrix: **steals Steiner's helmet** hehehe...No, come get ME!!! **runs off**  
  
Steiner: YES MA'AM!!!! **Follows her**  
  
Amarant: **on the rolling around, laughing**   
  
Garnet: Zidane.......  
  
Zidane: Yes....  
  
Garnet: Come..**Zidane jumps her**..here.....  
  
Zidane: What do you want??  
  
Garnet:.....spy on Steiner and Beatrix.....  
  
Zidane:...darn,.  
  
Garnet: ..after we're done.  
  
Zidane: YES!! **Zidane backflips....repeatedly. Stops, grabs Garnet by the waist and runs out the door**  
  
Garnet: **waving** BYE!!!  
  
Freya: **stands up**...I'm going to de-bug Fratley and mine room.  
  
Dr. Tot: **eyes kareoke stage** finally.....  
  
**For the rest of the night, Alexandria is filled with the love ballads of the Beatles...** 


End file.
